Last night I took Little Sis to see her favorite artist - Jack Johnson - in concert. This was a long anticipated event; I had given her the tickets in April as a Sister Day gift. (Yes, it's a real holiday. Haven't you heard of it?) So we loaded up our bag with a bunch of goodies and headed for the gate. Because what is a girl celebration without plenty of junk food? We were aware that bringing outside food was frowned upon, so we cleverly hid our stash inside the blanket in my bag. When we got to the gate, there was a chick with a blond ponytail and walkie-talkie blocking the way.
Walkie-Talkie Girl: "Please open up your bag."
Me: "With pleasure!"
Walkie-Talkie Girl: "Please remove the blanket."
Me: "Sure, no problem." I removed the blanket and congratulated myself on my sharp-witted move. I had just removed the contraband from view!
Walkie-Talkie Girl: "Please shake out the blanket." This is when Little Sis and I exchanged undeniably guilty looks.
Me: "Oh, you mean this blanket with all the food in it?" as I open the blanket to reveal a bluging bag of white cheddar popcorn, two bottles of pop, Ding Dongs, brownies, and Peanut Butter M&Ms.
Walkie-Talkie Girl: With a smirk, "Yeah, you're going to have to throw that away."
Me: "You wouldn't take food from a pregnant woman, would you?"
Walkie-Talkie Girl: Without the smirk, "Yes."
So Rachel and I made the walk of shame back to the car "to drop off our illegal treats." In reality, we hid the goods even better - spread it all out into different pockets. We even took my big, fancy camera out of its case and replaced it with my Caffeine-Free Diet Coke. The only item for which we couldn't find a good hiding place was the item we both wanted most - the white cheddar popcorn. So our salty friend had to stay in the car. The rest of the goodies accompanied us for a second time to the entrance. As we approached the gate, we concocted our plan. If they ask us to open all the zippers, or shake out the sweatshirt at the bottom of the bag, which holds Rachel's Sprite, we'll just karate chop them in the neck and take off running! This time, Rachel held the bag because, in her pure 15 years, she projects innocence. Unlike the pregnant malefactor who had attempted an illicit act a mere 7 minutes earlier. As experienced criminals, we of course did not visit the scene of the previous crime. We went to a new walkie-talkie girl. This one sported a brunette ponytail. Little Sis must have been exuding an especially cherubic aura because when Walkie-Talkie Girl #2 asked her to remove the blanket, she did not ask her to shake it out. It was either her angelic countenance or the lack of obvious plastic bag noises when she moved the blanket. Either way, we made it in with our stash!
We took our place on the grass and joined the many lovely folks who came to revel in Jack Johnsonness.
There were the hippies...
And the preppies...
And the... Newsies???
And, among the hippies, preppies, and Newsies were hidden many-a-pothead, who generously shared their secondhand goodness with my unborn child. It was a delightful evening.
Happy Sister Day, Little Sis! I love your guts!
P.S. Mom, I made this entire thing up. I would never subject your baby to any kind of illegal or illicit activity. And neither would the pot smokers. Amen.