Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Jack & Caffeine-Free Diet Coke

Last night I took Little Sis to see her favorite artist - Jack Johnson - in concert. This was a long anticipated event; I had given her the tickets in April as a Sister Day gift. (Yes, it's a real holiday. Haven't you heard of it?) So we loaded up our bag with a bunch of goodies and headed for the gate. Because what is a girl celebration without plenty of junk food? We were aware that bringing outside food was frowned upon, so we cleverly hid our stash inside the blanket in my bag. When we got to the gate, there was a chick with a blond ponytail and walkie-talkie blocking the way.

Walkie-Talkie Girl: "Please open up your bag."

Me: "With pleasure!"

Walkie-Talkie Girl: "Please remove the blanket."

Me: "Sure, no problem." I removed the blanket and congratulated myself on my sharp-witted move. I had just removed the contraband from view!

Walkie-Talkie Girl: "Please shake out the blanket." This is when Little Sis and I exchanged undeniably guilty looks.

Me: "Oh, you mean this blanket with all the food in it?" as I open the blanket to reveal a bluging bag of white cheddar popcorn, two bottles of pop, Ding Dongs, brownies, and Peanut Butter M&Ms.

Walkie-Talkie Girl: With a smirk, "Yeah, you're going to have to throw that away."

Me: "You wouldn't take food from a pregnant woman, would you?"

Walkie-Talkie Girl: Without the smirk, "Yes."

So Rachel and I made the walk of shame back to the car "to drop off our illegal treats." In reality, we hid the goods even better - spread it all out into different pockets. We even took my big, fancy camera out of its case and replaced it with my Caffeine-Free Diet Coke. The only item for which we couldn't find a good hiding place was the item we both wanted most - the white cheddar popcorn. So our salty friend had to stay in the car. The rest of the goodies accompanied us for a second time to the entrance. As we approached the gate, we concocted our plan. If they ask us to open all the zippers, or shake out the sweatshirt at the bottom of the bag, which holds Rachel's Sprite, we'll just karate chop them in the neck and take off running! This time, Rachel held the bag because, in her pure 15 years, she projects innocence. Unlike the pregnant malefactor who had attempted an illicit act a mere 7 minutes earlier. As experienced criminals, we of course did not visit the scene of the previous crime. We went to a new walkie-talkie girl. This one sported a brunette ponytail. Little Sis must have been exuding an especially cherubic aura because when Walkie-Talkie Girl #2 asked her to remove the blanket, she did not ask her to shake it out. It was either her angelic countenance or the lack of obvious plastic bag noises when she moved the blanket. Either way, we made it in with our stash!

We took our place on the grass and joined the many lovely folks who came to revel in Jack Johnsonness.

There were the hippies...

And the preppies...

And the... Newsies???

And, among the hippies, preppies, and Newsies were hidden many-a-pothead, who generously shared their secondhand goodness with my unborn child. It was a delightful evening.

Happy Sister Day, Little Sis! I love your guts!

P.S. Mom, I made this entire thing up. I would never subject your baby to any kind of illegal or illicit activity. And neither would the pot smokers. Amen.


Bretzing Fam said...

Your posts are so funny! I find my self laughing out loud, and when I do, my kids come running up to find out what funny youtube video I am looking at.

Emily Ortiz said...

Meili you are the greatest! You are so dang witty and funny. I'm so glad you made it in with your food. I'm sure you got the munchies with all that great pot smoke right? Thanks for the post it made me laugh, as always!

Heather said...

You are hilarious and glad to see that you enjoyed the stash of goodies.

Quela said...

That goes to show that brunettes are cooler that blonds. I can't believe that blond chick made you shake out your blanket! Who does that?? I wonder what would have happened if you ran into a red-headed walkie talkie girl.

Meili said...

Quela, you pose an interesting question! I bet a redhead would have given me more chocolate to take in.

Agent Pepper said...

Yeah right...that blonde was probably a fake blonde. TRUE blondes always have more fun, and that means allowing some minor illegal activities to take place. : )

And yes Mei, I did have a wonderful, slightly high experience. My shirt smelled like pot, along with my hair the next day. I think I got a little buzzed then off of shirt and hair fumes.

Sarah Garner said...

Sweet! The paparrazzi IS following me around!

Can I have a copy of that picture to give to my hippy parents?!

Tara said...

Funny story! A date in college once had me pretend to be pregnant to sneak cheese fries into a game. What a girl will do for her treats!

Megan said...

When Rachel was born I remember feeling jealous. Now I know my feelings were justified. Sister's Day...LUCKY!

Heather B said...

Meili you are hilarious, I loved this post. Jack Johnson rocks. And so does sneaking in treats.

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