Sunday, August 31, 2008

In It Together

I love my girls. It seems that, no matter what one of us is going through, there is always another member of the group who has experienced something similar. Collectively, we've been through college, bad dates, weddings, travel, good and bad fashion sense, births, really bad dates, family addictions, family illnesses, and military service. I truly believe that the reason we humaniods have friendships is so we can celebrate and commiserate together.

Monday, August 25, 2008

A Dead Dream

If you could change your identity right now, who would you be?

I would be on Broadway.

Growing up, I used to go into my parents' room, close the door, turn off the lights, turn on my dad's desk lamp and reposition it as a spotlight on myself in the mirror... and perform! I was known only as Meili. One word, like Madonna, Cher, or Moses. I was ever-so-humble about my incredible fame, and my audience adored me.

4 Years Old

Nothing can move me as deeply or bring me to tears as quickly as a fantastic performance. I cried all the way through Les Miz, beginning with Work Song ("Look down"). I was sitting next to my good friend Nick, and I'm sure he were wishing he could have switched seats with someone in the very back of the balcony, rather than endure my constant sniffling and nose-sleeve-wiping. And of course, the tears flowed during Defying Gravity when I saw Wicked with my fabulous grandparents. That Elphaba, man! She's just looking for some justice in this cruel world! Someone give her a break! Just this weekend, I saw my little brother-in-law Aaron perform in a Youtheatre production of Footloose in Park City. The girl who sang Holding Out for a Hero made the tears flow again, which I tried to hide from my man, who was sitting next to me. I mean, it's not a sad song, or even a song of triumph. It's just a fun, show off song. And show off she did! I cried for two reasons. One was that her talent truly overwhelmed me. And two was that I wished it were me singing on that stage!

So again, I pose the question: Who would you be if you could be anyone? What would you do if you could instantly acquire the necessary skills, connections, and cojones?

Friday, August 22, 2008

M&M Manual

How to Enjoy the Melts-In-Your-Mouth Goodness:

1. Turn all M&Ms right-side-up

2. Line up the M&Ms by color. The color with the greatest number goes on top and the smallest count is on bottom.

3. Now even 'em up! Eat the 4 pieces that don't belong. Get those intruders outta there!

3A. There is another way to go from here if the color counts are favorable. Notice there are 5 browns and 4 yellows. I could have then decreased the oranges to 3, reds to 2, greens to 1 and blues to 0 to create a nice right triangle. But this would have necessitated removing many more pieces at once than the above method, and I like to take as much time as possible to enjoy my treats. Therefore, we will move forward with the previous method.

4. Remove one column and enjoy. Because there are 6 colors, you get to choose if you'd rather eat them in 3 groups of 2 or 2 groups of 3. Ahhh, the beauty of 6. The best way to eat Peanut Butter M&Ms is to hide them under your tongue for a minimum of 60 seconds until the insides are warm, gooey, and ready to burst through their thin candy shells.

5. Remove another column for consumption. (I mean that in the put-in-your-mouth-chew-and-swallow way, not the tuberculosis-of-the-lungs way.)

Aren't math and chocolate beautiful? How do you eat your M&Ms?

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Jack & Caffeine-Free Diet Coke

Last night I took Little Sis to see her favorite artist - Jack Johnson - in concert. This was a long anticipated event; I had given her the tickets in April as a Sister Day gift. (Yes, it's a real holiday. Haven't you heard of it?) So we loaded up our bag with a bunch of goodies and headed for the gate. Because what is a girl celebration without plenty of junk food? We were aware that bringing outside food was frowned upon, so we cleverly hid our stash inside the blanket in my bag. When we got to the gate, there was a chick with a blond ponytail and walkie-talkie blocking the way.

Walkie-Talkie Girl: "Please open up your bag."

Me: "With pleasure!"

Walkie-Talkie Girl: "Please remove the blanket."

Me: "Sure, no problem." I removed the blanket and congratulated myself on my sharp-witted move. I had just removed the contraband from view!

Walkie-Talkie Girl: "Please shake out the blanket." This is when Little Sis and I exchanged undeniably guilty looks.

Me: "Oh, you mean this blanket with all the food in it?" as I open the blanket to reveal a bluging bag of white cheddar popcorn, two bottles of pop, Ding Dongs, brownies, and Peanut Butter M&Ms.

Walkie-Talkie Girl: With a smirk, "Yeah, you're going to have to throw that away."

Me: "You wouldn't take food from a pregnant woman, would you?"

Walkie-Talkie Girl: Without the smirk, "Yes."

So Rachel and I made the walk of shame back to the car "to drop off our illegal treats." In reality, we hid the goods even better - spread it all out into different pockets. We even took my big, fancy camera out of its case and replaced it with my Caffeine-Free Diet Coke. The only item for which we couldn't find a good hiding place was the item we both wanted most - the white cheddar popcorn. So our salty friend had to stay in the car. The rest of the goodies accompanied us for a second time to the entrance. As we approached the gate, we concocted our plan. If they ask us to open all the zippers, or shake out the sweatshirt at the bottom of the bag, which holds Rachel's Sprite, we'll just karate chop them in the neck and take off running! This time, Rachel held the bag because, in her pure 15 years, she projects innocence. Unlike the pregnant malefactor who had attempted an illicit act a mere 7 minutes earlier. As experienced criminals, we of course did not visit the scene of the previous crime. We went to a new walkie-talkie girl. This one sported a brunette ponytail. Little Sis must have been exuding an especially cherubic aura because when Walkie-Talkie Girl #2 asked her to remove the blanket, she did not ask her to shake it out. It was either her angelic countenance or the lack of obvious plastic bag noises when she moved the blanket. Either way, we made it in with our stash!

We took our place on the grass and joined the many lovely folks who came to revel in Jack Johnsonness.

There were the hippies...

And the preppies...

And the... Newsies???

And, among the hippies, preppies, and Newsies were hidden many-a-pothead, who generously shared their secondhand goodness with my unborn child. It was a delightful evening.

Happy Sister Day, Little Sis! I love your guts!

P.S. Mom, I made this entire thing up. I would never subject your baby to any kind of illegal or illicit activity. And neither would the pot smokers. Amen.

Sunday, August 17, 2008


I guess the nesting instinct isn't really supposed to kick into high gear until right before blastoff, but apparently I've started a wee bit early. I spent the weekend moving furniture, cleaning out closets (literally! with a soapy rag and a vacuum!), moving things around from room to room, doing unnecessary laundry, and generally wandering around the house, looking for projects. I even dusted the blinds in the bathroom!

So my friends, what do you tend to do when you find yourself in a pile of sticks, mud & spit? Do you clean, organize, cook,... blog?

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Utopia No More

You know that place where everything is ideal? The world exists in a state of harmony and bliss, and everything is as it should be? That's called utopia. About a week ago, my utopia was my reality. I was a sassy chick with an obvious, but smallish, baby bump - and rockin' legs! Well, they were rockin' whenever I wore heels. If you know how to achieve rockin' legs while wearing flats, please share your secret!

As I was saying, one week ago, my pregnant body was at its ideal state. Tonight, all of that changed. My utopia came crashing down around me. I was sitting in a salon chair getting my bangs trimmed when I looked in the mirror, and a puffy chick with a double chin looked back at me. I exclaimed to myself, "Hey! I have a double chin!" and my haircutting friend said, "Well, you're pregnant!" This is what I always told my expectant friends when they were lamenting their changing bodies. From the outside, it's not a big deal. "You're not fat - you're pregnant! You're supposed to gain 90 lbs, a double chin, a bubble butt, and sausage fingers." But then I looked down at my formerly slender legs and my jaw dropped. This is what each of my legs looked like:

There's no denying it. I have cankles.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008


Gluttony: the dining experience aboard a cruise ship in which one never experiences even a hint of a hunger pang, yet eats no fewer than five 5-course meals every day for 7 successive days.

Majesty: a solitary bald eagle.

Breach: to leap party or completely out of the water, head first, and land on the back or belly with a resounding splash.
Disappointment: to be in the "head" (i.e. boat's powder room) when the once-in-a-lifetime viewing took place. (Sorry Lynn!)

Bubble Net Feeding: a group of whales working together to capture schools of herring. One whale will swim in a circle while blowing bubbles under the herring. When the bubbles rise, they form a net and scare the herring into a tight ball in the center. The whales then come up through the middle with their mouths open, capturing large amounts of food.

Beauty: Tracy Arm Fjord. Our captain even encouraged us to compose our own Haiku to describe the view. We ungraciously declined.

If you look closely, you can see the bear!

True Love: (1) the motion sickness patch. (2) Starbucks hot chocolate.

Fine Art: a family totem pole.

Crystal Clear: the state of sea water in Ketchikan, Alaska.

Pet Peeves

Just because I'm feeling especially irritable today, I am going to converse with you about my top 4 pet peeves:

  1. Pregnant tummy touching. I think my need for personal space has actually increased since becoming a sacred vessel. Don't breach the perimeter! You might get an involuntary karate chop to the wrist!

  2. "RC Willey's," "Nordstrom's," "JC Penney's..." None of these stores actually ends in an apostrophe, s. Oh, and neither does your family's last name. Apostrophe, s indicates the possessive case. Not plural.

  3. Clueless drivers. This encompasses a whole bunch of behaviors, but mostly being unaware of everyone else who shares the road with you and/or not thinking ahead. Best to just stay in the right lane, out of my way.

  4. "I could care less." Just think about it for a second.

What are your pet peeves? Grammar snobs perhaps?

Pregnant Pause

I am sipping chocolate Silk soy milk out of my new Pike Place Starbucks mug. Can life get better? I submit that it can NOT! (Name that reference. SG, I know you know it!) I'm sorry I've been neglecting you, my blogging friends. I will blog soon. Post Script. If you have not yet had the pleasure of trying chocolate Silk, I urge you to do so immediately.
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