Imagine This

Imagine that I had just spent the last 2 weeks taking care of a man in my bed who decided to get walking pneumonia.

Then imagine that, just as he was beginning to feel better, our punk started puking his guts out.

Then imagine four days of baby squirts later, I started puking my guts out.

Imagine that while I was worshipping at the porcelain throne, my man was gallivanting about in Philadelphia, although except for gallivanting, he was also nauseous and trying not to puke his guts out while also trying to work to bring home the bacon.

Imagine that my man's mom is an angel who volunteered to take the punk for a couple hours so I could puke in peace, and that she ended up keeping him for 8 hours that would have been glorious and freeing had they not been filled with illness.

Imagine that after an entire day of groaning, I looked like something you find on the bottom of your shoe after taking a long walk in a dog park. I had three day-old, greasy hair and no makeup. And I was wearing multi-colored pajama bottoms, black fuzzy socks with snowflakes, a blue tee shirt that I got from a 5K, and a frumpy lime green robe over the top of it all. I was a hot mess, minus the hot.

Imagine that by the 8th hour sans punk, I had begun to miss the little guy and was looking forward to his return, so when the doorbell rang, I threw off my covers and ran to the front door to retrieve him.

Then imagine my horror when I opened the door and saw, not my smiling punk, but two smiling members of my bishopric, dressed in their Sunday best. One of them quickly exclaimed, "We caught you looking your best, eh?"

Then imagine that they came in and issued a third church calling to this invalid, which I accepted. (In addition to being the relief society pianist and on the relief society activity committee, I am now a relief society teacher.)

Imagine, finally, that when they stood up to go, I reached out to shake their hands and blew chunks all over their freshly pressed suits!

Okay, that last line is false. But I'm sure you enjoyed the visual. Have a nice day.