Meet Bogey. He is our housemate this month as we are sharing a home with my man's kind parents. Bogey is a murderer. Last week, he killed at least five fluffy, chirping, innocent baby quails. I'm sure there were more, but my little sis found five tiny dead guys in the grass. Today, Bogey proudly brought this vole to me and said with his body language, "You are welcome. I am a warrior. Where is my treat?"
It is no secret that I am not an animal lover. (This is where half of you start judging me for being evil.) The last pet I had was a nasty little gerbil with a temper. I was 10. After a few months of becoming disillusioned with cleaning his cage, smelling his mammal stench, and being bitten when trying to show my affection, I accepted my dad's offer to take him to a place where he could roam free with friendly possums and rabbits. (My dad took him out to the desert where he most likely was eaten by an owl within 12 hours. Good riddance!)
So pets aren't my thing. I don't like the smells they emit even when they're supposedly clean. I don't enjoy it when they jump on me in greeting. I don't like having to brush their hair off my clothes, even if I am already covered in baby slobber.
With my in-laws out of town, Bogey has deemed me his temporary mother. When I leave the room, he follows me. When I go outside, that's where he wants to be. So yesterday, I was going to relax in my room while the punk was taking a nap. I noted that the pup was dozing in the living room and planned to take that opportunity to make my escape. As I silently stood from my chair, Bogey's eyes flipped open and his ears stood up. Dang. I casually started walking around the room, hoping he would just think I was moving to a different chair. No, he sensed my intent to defect. He stood up and started to follow me. I slowly walked around the corner and heard him casually saunter behind me. As I rounded the corner, I booked it up the stairs. When he realized I had started running, he came bounding up the stairs, closing the distance between us. My adrenaline was pumping as I wondered if I would make it to the bedroom door before he did. Yes! I made it! Sweet victory was mine! As I frantically shut the door behind me, I realized what I had just done. I had narrowly outsmarted a dog. Genius.