I'm going to be honest. Doubling my number of offspring has made my life more than twice as hard. At least, that's the way I perceive it. It's quite rare that I have any time alone between the hours of 6 am and 9 pm, whereas with only the punk, I could at least count on a quiet moment during his afternoon nap. I have not yet been able to coordinate the boys' nap schedules to happen at the same time so I am always holding, listening to, feeding, touching, reading to, playing catch with, changing, singing to, or cleaning up after one or the other, or both. In the four months since the basher entered my life, I have realized that having time to myself is very important to my sanity, but that it just doesn't happen very often. Hence... crazy mama.
I remember driving in the car with my mom when I was a child, and asking her to turn on some music. Sometimes she would just say, "No, I'm enjoying the silence." I thought she was totally bonkers. Now I say that.
Yesterday I left my three boys at home for an hour while I pretended to be a photographer. I shot some family pictures for my cousins downtown. Then after returning home for only an hour, I left again for 5 more hours to play a wedding with my string quartet. By the time I returned home at 10 pm, I was more rejuvenated and alive than I could ever feel after a day at the most luxurious spa! I had spent 6 whole hours being creative and using skills that I have developed over the years. Skills besides patience and sibling management. For just a few hours, I was able to do something that produced immediate results.
I understand that I am incredibly fortunate that I have the opportunity to stay home with my boys. Not everyone who wants to be a stay at home mom gets to do so. I am doing what I had always hoped I would be able to do. But it felt so great to take off my mama hat for half a day and work on something that challenged me in a completely different way.
Three cheers for a supportive husband who is able to support our family financially so I can stay home AND who easily picks up the slack when I go gallivanting! I really needed it.
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