Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Psychics & Walmart

I have asked my fabulous and always entertaining friend Becky to post the following story here for your reading pleasure. She is only the second guest blogger I've had the privilege of featuring on my blog. (Remember Domenico Maiuri and the infamous Flowrider incident?)  After this story, you will all be petitioning for her to replace me permanently. Enjoy!

Psychics & Wal-Mart
by Becky Rhead

I went to a psychic in the Castro District of San Francisco this past weekend.  For those of you who aren’t aware, it’s the “gay district” and I love it. I have a gay brother and I asked him to take me there for dinner.  I knew if we had dinner there that we would meet new friends (accomplished) , have fabulous food (said in a gay voice) and check out all the cute gay boys (wow, there were a lot of them). While walking down Castro Street we saw a sign for a “psychic reading” and decided we better see what the future holds for us. While my brother had his reading I sat outside on the porch and people watched.  Seriously, I don’t know if people watching gets any more entertaining than a Saturday night in the gayest part of the country.

I was feeling pretty good. I felt confident in my new red coat purchased that day at H&M. My confidence was soon shot to hell after spending 20 minutes on a porch with not even a second glance by any of the cute guys walking by. Ok, I realize 99% of them were gay but I hoped for at least a “Giiiiiirl, that coat is fab-u-lous” comment.  That comment didn’t come and I felt significantly less fabulous by the minute.


Soon it was my time to visit the psychic.  I won’t bore you with what she said, even though it was awesome and I apparently have the world’s best future ahead of me.  One thing that shouldn’t surprise any of you that know me is that she said, “Wow, you are very strong minded.”  Yep, that’s me.  I’m a very passionate liberal.  I get angry about social issues, my blood boils on a regular basis.  I am vocal about my beliefs and I am sure I offend people on a regular basis.  But I can’t deny who I am. One thing I am morally and socially opposed to is … duh duh duh….Wal-Mart.  I never shop at Wal-Mart. I don’t care if I will save $2 buying my deodorant at Wal-Mart, I won’t shop there. I hate that it has taken over our country and put countless small businesses out of business!  I hate that when you go there you that it takes more than 2 hands to count the amount of people wearing pajamas and slippers.  I hate that you have to wait in ridiculously long lines shopping there.  Need I go on?  I just hate Wal-Mart.


Thus begins my story. I was on my way to watch a movie at a friend’s.  I was just about to get to her house when she called and said, “I am running late. I’ll be there in 20 minutes!”  I didn’t want to drive all the way home so I figured I needed to waste some time at 9:30 on a weeknight at a store in the area.  I honestly don’t know what came over me but I saw a Wal-Mart and thought, “What the hell, I need some Spanxs and I might as well buy them at Wal-Mart.”  For those of you who don’t know what Spanxs are here is a picture.  They keep you nice and slim for those “special” days in your life.  My friend Sarah was getting married on Monday and I needed them for my bridesmaid dress.

I walked into Wal-Mart.  It took me awhile in the vast store to find the lingerie (all while cringing at the clothes that they sell there).  I found my Spanx (much cheaper than they were at Target!), mission accomplished!  On my way to check out I walked past the ice-cream and thought, “Oh, I should totally eat some Rocky Road while watching a movie tonight.”  I grabbed a gallon and went to the check out. 


It was then that I realized that the two items I was purchasing were Spanx and ice-cream.  The clerk looked at my items, didn’t say anything, but looked back up smiled at me with a look on her face that said, “Oh?  You think you are too good to shop at Wal-Mart? Even you liberals can fall prey to our prices!”  I knew what she was thinking.  I was thinking the same thing.  Wow, I just became a trashy Wal-Mart shopper that I despise.  But, I saved $12.30 in the process and looked better in that bridesmaid dress than I would have!


Bretzing Fam said...

ok, I have never worn spanx before, but I thought they were ubber shi shi (because Elizabeth Hasselback wears them)...hmmmm....I had no idea walmart sold them. I will do my best to resist the urge to get them at a discounted price though and pick them up at target. I too have issues with walmart...though I have gone there in my jammies feeling less wierd than I would if I walked through Nordstom that way, split personality...I guess do my best to fit in where ever I must do my shopping.

Agent Pepper said...

I don't know if Spanx and Spandex are the same thing (I think they are) but I use them for soccer. It keeps you from flashing people when you get tripped by a mean, tall, large, defender and your shorts practically ride all the way up to your chest.

Sarah said...

Becky Rhead... this is comedy gold. I'm glad I could have a small part in this story... it's a keeper.

WalMart is horrible. I know, I used to work at Sam's Club (part of the Sam Walton Empire of Death). But I, too, have fallen to the convenience of the stores, the scumminess of clothes you need to fit in (if you're feeling sick and walking around in jammies, that is the place to GO!) and the holy crap SAVINGS of $12.95!

Also, I too would feel brutally rebuffed if 100 gay men walked past without a "hey, giiiirrrrlll." I mean... I'm not asking for them to check me out, I just need attention. (I'm a bit of an attention whore.)

Krachel said...

I love that when you write- I can actually hear the gay guys calling out at you. So sorry you didn't get the 'hey giiir-rrrrlll' you were looking for!

CandD said...

umm Wal-Mart should die but then it would put all the out of worker cute, elderly greeters into unemployment as well as a bunch of trash people that are making minimum wage, have 6 kids from 6 baby daddys but still find money to get their "hair did" and their fake nails done and don't forget pay for the awesome tattoo of their first baby daddy that they've tried to cover up with a rose - I had the absolute crappy pleasure of going to wal-mart to hopefully get some cheap patio furniture - I spent some time looking at a few chairs but spent more time people watching and looking at the pajamas (thanks Becky) - seriously - wear the right size so even though you look like crap your crotch is not at your ankles - no one should wear their boyfriends pajama bottoms even at home. And FYI ladies - match your bra to your tank top - on second thought - WEAR a bra. Anyway - back to the story - I ended up hating everyone there and their stupid crap(eventually in the juvenile court system) kids that I bagged the chairs, bought a 6-pack of beer and headed to my patio to enjoy the non trashy life I have - Thank God for my fabulous parents!

Mary said...

Great blog! I enjoyed reading it. (Love the Castro too!)

Sally said...

I'm interested in getting a psychic reading too... Meili, are you in?
Nice post, Becky. Are you testing the waters to see if you should start a blog too? Come on!

Meili said...

Yes Sally, I'm in! Let's go to San Francisco!

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