Sunday, December 26, 2010

Scared of a Little Bean

When I was 15 years old, I had surgery to remove a grapefruit-size gremlin from my insides. Okay, it was a cyst. But gremlin sounds cooler. And according to my very curious dad, who insisted on examining the specimen after it was removed from his eldest daughter, it looked like a gremlin. Too much information? You just wait. I'm about to describe the devastating aftereffects of childbirth.

Are you still there?

Anyway, about two years later, I had surgery again, for the same thing. As I arrived at the hospital, I was extremely nervous. Shaking, I changed into the flattering, breezy robe and met with the anesthesiologist. I told him that I was having a very hard time remaining calm. I was thinking about the last time I had allowed surgeons to slice an 8-inch gash into my abdomen, and how much it had hurt when I woke up. (This was probably due to the fact that, according to research, redheads have been found to need more anesthetic than others. That's my professional opinion.) I had come out from under the anesthesia to the sound of a nurse telling me it was time to wake up, and I immediately started crying. With tears streaming out of my closed eyes and down the sides of my face, all I could say was, "It hurts! It hurts!" I heard my mom telling the nurse that I was in pain, and then thankfully, was given more medication which put me back to sleep.

Remembering the pain from my last surgical experience made me wary to willingly mount the gurney which would take me into the O.R.

This is how I feel now, in anticipation of the birth of the little bean. Actually, it's not the actual birth that concerns me. I truly enjoyed labor and delivery of the punk, especially after receiving my epidural. (Mmmmm, delicious drugs.) It's the first month with the newborn that terrifies me. The mind-numbing lack of sleep. The mutilated lady parts. The gigantic, extremely sensitive boobs that I'm going to have to willingly let the bean suck on, EVERY 2-3 HOURS! The crazy hormone imbalance that will make me question why in the world I decided to do this to myself, especially when my man is CLEARLY the superior parent because he isn't resentful about letting a tiny human suck on HIS ouchy boobs.

Yes, I am a little worried about our first month with the little bean. If last time is any indication, it's going to rock our world. If only I had an anesthesiologist to give me the "happy drugs" I got the last time I needed them, causing me to smile and slur when being rolled into my second surgery, "Mmmmmm. This feeeeeeeelsss guuuuuuuuud."


Mellisa's Moments..... said...

I am RIGHT THERE WITH YOU!! I don't fear having 4 kids, I don't fear my first c-section, what I fear the most is being in pain not only in the milk jug area but the pain of c-section and being totally hormonally imbalanced trying to cope with everything around me. That is why I will be leaving the hospital sporting an estrogen patch, some awesome pain meds along with a prescription for happy pills (anti depressants). The only thing that gets me through is knowing I have overcome this challenging first month of new mommyhood THREE times and this being my last makes me very excited!!

Diana W. Windley said...

With the first baby I was embarrassed to admit I had the blues. But after a few weeks I finally admitted that I was not coping well with a new baby, a recovering body, and messed-up hormones.

I took some doctor-prescribed happy pills for three months with the first baby and five months with the second. It totally helped me get thru those first few rough months...I highly recommend it!

Anonymous said...

Childbirth was not nearly as rough on my body the 2nd time around for me...recovery was a breeze compared to the first go-round. I'm just a random blog-lurker, hopefully you're ok with me sharing my thoughts. Good luck!!

Lauren said...

I know EXACTLY what you mean. Nobody prepared me for the pain of beginning to nurse a baby -- from engorgement to soreness to clogged milk ducts.... Yikes! My second was such a fierce sucker that I called him Jaws and was terrified for him to latch on for the first 6 weeks of his life.

At least we moms online can know we're not alone! I wish I'd had that community with my first baby.

And always remember: this too shall pass.

Brit said...

someone once told me that with all we go through with our first baby, it's a miracle that we stand in line to do it all over again. And again. (and again, for some people!) The thing that's crazy is that what was hard with my first was easy with my second. There are still things that are hard with baby #2, but at least they're different, so there's variety. And they have backing them up the courageous, successful, victorious outcome of the challenges you've already overcome with number 1.

Also, you may put me on speed dial. :)

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